


Lost and Found

by xOblivion_is_Gracex



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drunk Tony Stark, Drunken Flirting, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Hangover, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mild Language, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xOblivion_is_Gracex/pseuds/xOblivion_is_Gracex
Summary: Being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent charged with protecting the infamous Tony Stark as well as working as his personal assistant can be difficult to juggle. However, 25 year-old, Samantha is also working another full-time job-being a mother. In an attempt to keep her daughter a secret from the organization she works for and from Tony, she struggles to maintain balance in all aspects of her life. Some things are better left unsaid.This originated as a request on my marvel imagines blog on tumblr, so if you're interested, feel free to check it out.My tumblr: the-marvel-imagines-blog.tumblr.com





	1. Mr. Trouble

I padded through the large house. After the events that had transpired in D.C. with Captain America and Hydra in 2014-a mere year ago-my boss decided to have his home rebuilt in Malibu. He tried to tell me that it was just because he needed a change in scenery, but I knew the true reason. I had worked for him for only 7 months, but it was long enough to start picking him apart. I had also gone through the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy of Operations, so I could spot the subtle lies. So many terrible things happened to him in a short period of time, and he needed to get back to his roots. Of course, he had the mansion rebuilt even more extravagantly than before, but it was still on the same piece of land that the last one had been on. His bedroom overlooked the ocean, and I found myself jealous for the first time in a long time when he took me on the grand tour of the finished mansion. He offered me one of the rooms to stay in, free of charge, but I didn’t want to start mixing up my personal life with my work life. It didn’t end well for me the last time, so I wasn’t going to push my luck with him. Still, I couldn’t deny that I envied him for having a room with  _the_ view while I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Thousand Oaks. I didn’t have the luxury of knowing him at the time, but I saw pictures of his old place, especially the workshop, where most of his pictures seemed to be taken. The workshop in the photos was  _nothing_ compared to the new one he had built, which only meant that he spent even  _more_ of his time down there on a daily basis.

Tony was  _very_ hands-on when it came to rebuilding his mansion, but I always chalked it up to the fact that he couldn’t just let others take control over something that significant in his life. He always saw his material possessions as the one constant in his life-which I was dying to pick apart-so he didn’t let anyone else in to handle them. That simple fact about the billionaire was why I was so surprised and honored when he asked for my input when it came to interior decorating. Perhaps, it was just because I’d be the one having to look at it all the time, since my job ran six days a week and 12 hours per day. Sunday’s were my only days off, but my other full time job that ran 24 hours a day and seven days a week prevented me from having any  _true_ time off, but it was one I wouldn’t give up for the world. The job description seemed simple enough when I heard about it, almost like when you were told there there were only two questions on a test, but what the instructor left out was that both questions had 26 parts to them. When you saw it, you had the rude awakening that no matter how prepared for that test you thought you were, you weren’t ready. That’s what motherhood was like, and it was an even bigger hurdle when you had to go through it alone.

“Miss Lockhart, is everything alright?” Vision’s mechanical voice pulled me from my own thoughts. I had been so used to J.A.R.V.I.S., but when Vision came along, I had to adapt to the new face with that very familiar voice. They were so similar and so different at the same time. Tony had insisted that Vision stay with him after the incident with Ultron in Sokovia, so I was now charged with managing and ensuring the safety of _two_ instead of just one. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that they couldn’t protect themselves, but I was a trained specialist, meant to eliminate threats. Phil Coulson was my mentor up until the battle of New York. Hell, he had been the one to recruit me at 15. It was only a few days before my 22nd birthday when Loki drove his scepter through his heart, but I had more than six years of training with the very best S.H.I.E.L.D. agent under my belt. Not many others could say the same thing. Fury took me under his wing after New York, and he picked up where Coulson had left off. Still, no one could be a better mentor than Coulson. It took some time for me to find out that my best friend and mentor was still alive but being kept a secret. By the time I found out, I didn’t need a mentor anymore, and he was able to just be my friend at that point. When I was brought on as Tony’s personal assistant only a month after having Aurora, I knew that Fury had a hand in it. He wanted me to have a steady job and one that would pay good money because he knew that I would have to support myself  _and_ a baby. He also wanted to give me purpose again.

When Vision cleared his throat, I pulled myself back into the present. Perhaps my sudden thoughtfulness was provoked thanks to my lack of sleep most nights and the heavy workload throughout the day. Tony was always more than accommodating if I needed to take time off, but I still worried about him. He made certain comments like, “I don’t know what I’d do without you” that made it hard for me not to worry. It may have just been my maternal instincts, but I still couldn’t take a real vacation without calling him 20 times a day just to make sure that he was eating and sleeping enough. I stared up into those mechanical blue eyes that I had always pictured J.A.R.V.I.S. having if he hadn’t been an artificial intelligence, and I nodded my head, “yeah, V, I’m just in...a bit of a funk right now” I said, trying to let the thoughts slip away. I didn’t want to get caught up on even the small stuff from the past because it lead to the bigger and more painful stuff.

As I straightened the stack of papers on the dining room table that was  _never_ used, he stepped closer to me, “do I have permission to...look?” he asked, referencing his power to read my mind. He was always curious, and my answer was always “no.” It was far too dangerous for anyone but me and a small handful of others to know about Aurora. I couldn’t protect my birth parents, and I couldn’t protect her father, so I would do anything and _everything_ in my power to protect her. If that meant I had to hide her away from the spotlight that superheroes had, so be it because I would do whatever it took to keep her safe with me. I glanced back up at Vision and tilted my head, sighing. From the simple action, he knew what my answer was, “you’re right. I should mind my own business. Just know that if there’s anything you need to talk about-”

I cut him off, “you’re here. I know, V. Thank you”

He shrugged his shoulders, “Mr. Stark has informed me more than once that you had a very close relationship to the artificial intelligence that went into making me. My voice bears some semblance to his, which is why he thinks you and I are as close as we are” he explained

“That’s not why” I retorted, not wanting him to think that I only cared about him because of the similarities he shared with J.A.R.V.I.S., “we’re close because you’re simply the way you are. You have his voice, but you’re unique. You’re special to me, V. There’s no rhyme or reason to it; I just care about you. Besides, I was there when you were born, so…” I trailed off, laughing, causing his lips to curl up at the sides in a slight grin.

“Well, if it’s any consolation...I care about you, too” he replied

I nodded my head, “I know you do, V. I know you do” I smiled, remembering the time he opened up to me about these “feelings” that he was perplexed by. He didn’t understand what they meant or why he was having them if he wasn’t human. I didn’t know how to answer all of his questions, but I figured it was good practice for when Aurora started asking me difficult questions that I just didn’t have the answer to or didn’t know how to explain it without hurting her. Being there for Vision taught me how to be sensitive but also a figure of authority. He needed guidance, but he also needed compassion. It was a balancing act with him, and I loved the challenge. As I slid the papers neatly into the manila folder, I glanced back up at the synthetic man, “I have to bring these down to the workshop for Tony to look through and sign. Then, I have to make sure he gets dressed for the gala tonight. Do  _you_ need anything before I leave?”

He shook his head, “I will keep myself occupied while Mr. Stark is gone”

I smiled before making my way from the dining room down to the workshop. Interrupting him while he was hard at work was my  _least_ favorite thing to do, especially since tinkering took his mind off of things that weighed heavily on his shoulders. I worried about that man more than I cared to admit, but part of me believed that he would work himself to death no matter what anyone else tried to do to stop him. There had been times in the past that I would come back to work the next morning after leaving him in the workshop, and I’d find him passed out with a half empty bottle of liquor next to him. Self-destructive was an understatement, but he always took care of others. He was a paradox, which was what made him so fascinating to me. I could hear the faint sounds of AC/DC playing before I even reached the bottom of the stairs. Through the bulletproof glass, I could see him tinkering with one of his newest inventions, and I took a moment to admire the way his fingers worked with such dexterity and talent. He was an artist in his own right, and he was a beautiful man. I wouldn’t have asked to be charged with anyone else. After punching in the eight-digit code to unlock the door to his workshop-72626842-I stepped inside, gently closing the door behind me. As soon as I stepped inside, he turned the blaring music down to a much softer volume. Ever since I began working for him, he was always very aware of his surroundings, but I had met him a few times before being assigned as his personal assistant, and he wasn’t like that before New York. He turned around to face me, his dark brown eyes sparkling the slightest bit as they met mine, “you look nice today” he complimented me.

My eyes widened out of utter shock. He hadn’t mentioned it for the entire day, and here it was five o’clock in the evening, only an hour before I went home for the day, and he was complimenting me on my outfit choice of the day. I hadn’t even tried very hard on that particular day. It was a simple black pencil skirt that reached just above my knees with a white blouse and a yellow cardigan. My long, dark brown waves had been pulled back into a ponytail. I hadn’t done anything extraordinary, which was why his comment caught me off guard. Still, I tried to shake it off and play it cool-as cool as one could in the midst of a man like him, “well, I owe it to you for re-instituting casual Friday” I smiled

He furrowed his eyebrows and gestured as my outfit, clearly confused by something I had said, “ _that’s_ casual for you?”

I chuckled, “business casual, yes. In case you forgot, I’m  _your_ personal assistant, and no casual Friday as the personal assistant of a superhero billionaire should be spent in blue jeans and a t-shirt. I’m laid back, but I’m not  _that_ laid back” I joked

He smiled, casting his eyes back down to the invention in his hand. It looked like an addition to one of his suits, but I wasn’t sure. I knew that I would find out tomorrow morning. Every night, I would leave without answers to what he was working on, but the next morning, he would be more than excited to show me what he had built the night before. A lightbulb went off in his mind as his eyes lit up, “oh, while we’re on the topic of your fashion sense, Vision is also gonna need a few new sets of clothes, so if you can work your magic, he seems to love your style more than mine”

I rolled my eyes, “that’s because he doesn’t want to wear t-shirts from your favorite bands. Vision doesn’t like AC/DC” I reminded him, knowing that it would be like a punch in the gut to hear that his creation didn’t like his favorite music. I loved the music my dad loved, and it only brought us closer together. He was into the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s, and I could remember countless nights dancing with him to his older records. Elvis was his favorite, which meant he was also  _my_ favorite. Every night before bed, we’d dance to at least two of his songs. It was a tradition I had with him for as long as I could remember, so it didn’t make my older brothers too jealous. Music gave us that extra connection we wouldn’t have had otherwise even though we loved each other unconditionally. He chose me, and that was how I knew.

Tony’s scoff brought me back into the real world, “yeah, that should’ve been the very first thing I programmed him with” he remarked

Before he could go off on another tangent, I took mental note of the fact that Vision needed some more clothes and proceeded to close the space between my boss and myself. I laid the manila folder on the table in front of him and opened it to showcase the papers I needed him to fill out. He glanced up at me and cocked an eyebrow, but I began explaining to ease his confusion, “you need to fill out these papers telling S.H.I.E.L.D. how well I’m doing. Even though they “don’t exist” they still need to know whether I’m doing my job good enough or if they need to replace me” I explained

“Why can’t I just tell Maria or...whoever it is that’s in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. how I feel about your performance instead of filling out a bunch of paperwork? Do you  _know_ how time consuming this stuff is compared to a two minute phone call?” he asked, and I knew that this was the start of one of his miniature tangents, “I mean, you’re doing a great job. I feel protected and super safe because you were trained by the two best agents in the business. You do everything for me and remember to feed me when I forget to eat. I mean, what else do they need to know? You’re doing your job. Additional comments? Wouldn’t trade Samantha for the world” he added, causing my cheeks to flare up with that familiar warmth. I cast my eyes down to the floor, unable to hold steady eye contact with him as I blushed. Compliments always seemed to do that to me, and he knew how to get me flustered. I didn’t stand a chance against the charm and appeal of Tony Stark, but I knew how to draw a line in the sand and not cross it. With his powerful gaze still on me, it was hard to move past my moment of weakness. Taking a deep breath, I looked back up into his fascinated and amused eyes. I was glad he found some entertainment in my misery. Before I could speak, he continued, completely off track again, “you know, you should join me tonight” he said, remembering the one thing I had been reminding him about throughout the entire day.

I shook my head as I furrowed my eyebrows. Was my  _boss_ ,  _Tony Stark_ , asking me to go with him as his +1 to the gala? Nope. This wasn’t my life. This was a joke. He was  _definitely_ joking. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Of course, we flirted with each other every now and then, but that was just his personality. He enjoyed the company of women. My look of disbelief clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy him, so I let out a strained breath, trying to think of what to say, “I can’t” I stated, knowing that my prior commitments, like being a  _mom_ , outweighed going to a party with Tony. I hadn’t seen Aurora since 5:45 this morning, and that was when I dropped her off at daycare. Part of me wanted to ask Tony for 10 hour days instead of 12 because it left me such little time with my daughter. By the time I picked her up, it was 6:15. By the time we got home, it was almost 6:30. Then, she had to eat, and we had some time to play or read. By the time nine o’clock rolled around, we were both exhausted, and I would usually sing to her as she fell asleep. She woke me up at  _least_ 2 times a night, so we had that time together, but it was never enough. What time I did have with her, I cherished, so I wouldn’t drop my duties as a mom to dress up in an uncomfortable evening gown and high heels to watch Tony get drunk and throw himself at other women. I continued my explanation, “I mean, I have nothing to wear, and I’m not going to show up in business casual when you’re in your tux. This is a black tie kind of party”

He snickered, “well, you obviously wouldn’t wear that”

I cocked an eyebrow and folded my arms over my chest, challenging him, “oh, yeah? And what would I wear?” I asked, knowing that the question could’ve been damning. The Tony Stark who would act boldly in front of women rarely showed itself to me. If anyone else had asked the question, he would’ve responded with a resounding, “nothing,” but that didn’t happen with me. He always showed me respect.

He smiled, his eyes lighting up like it was the Fourth of July-even though he hated fireworks ever since New York. He was like a little kid on Christmas morning, and I knew it was because he thought he could sell me on the idea of going to the Gala with him, “ _I’ll_ get you a dress. It’ll be like your belated birthday present” he exclaimed even though he had gone all out for my mid-May birthday. He claimed that he’d never forget my birthday since it was only 13 days before his. Of course, I was a full 20 years younger than him, but he never liked to call too much attention to that little detail. When I took too long to respond, he continued, “whatever you want, just say the word. Hell, if you wanted a horse and carriage instead of a limo or one from my collection, I’d find a way to make it happen”

“What I  _want_ to do is get off my feet and relax for a little while. Maybe order some Chinese food and watch a little Netflix. Plus, I can’t leave you here to get ready on your own because you’d never leave your workshop if I didn’t force you out of here every once in a while” I laughed. I had to find a way to tell him that I had other commitments without telling him, “oh, yes. I have a baby at home. Surprise! You didn’t know this before. Now, you do.” I just couldn’t risk putting her on the radar of a man who was on the radar of so many bad people. Call me overprotective or needlessly anxious, but I had lost too much to not take care of the one thing that meant more to me than anything else. I wanted to go to the gala with Tony for more reasons than just to take care of him and to make sure he didn’t get himself into trouble, but I knew that it would only hurt me in the long run. I sighed, “I would love to go with you, Tony, but-”

He cut me off, “great, then it’s settled” he beamed, completely ignoring the conjunction that would only lead to me giving him another reason why I wouldn’t be going. Still, he smiled and moved right along as if the beginning of my statement was all that he needed to hear. I wasn’t sure if he was just pretending to have not listened to the last word, or if he was  _actually_ so excited to go to the gala with me that he was just jumping the gun all of a sudden. I was  _sure_ it wasn’t the latter one. Tony could have  _any_ woman accompany him to the gala, but he was excited by the thought of me going with him? Yeah, that didn’t sound right to me. He smiled, “I’ll go upstairs and start getting ready”

“I’m glad you’re gonna start getting ready because that’s part of the reason why I came down here to get you,  _but_ I’m not free to go with you tonight because I have prior commitments that I can’t just ignore. And  _no_ , I don’t have some secret boyfriend I’m meeting up with. Milo, Rudy, and Bandit have been home all day without seeing me” I said, referencing the three puppies he already knew about, so it wasn’t some bombshell announcement for him. I frowned, “so, although I appreciate the invitation, I have to pass this time around. I mean, maybe if I had a little more time to prepare and plan, I’d take you up on the offer. I just gotta take a rain check”

He nodded his head once, and I could see some of the light leave his eyes. In a split second, his effervescence just died away, and it tore my heart apart, “that’s fine. I understand” he replied, forcing a smile. He cleared his throat, “you know, I’m sorry for always springing these things on you at the last minute. I’ve made a habit out of it lately”

“I’ve been your personal assistant for seven months. I should just start anticipating it” I smiled, trying to lift his spirits, “now, let’s go upstairs and get that tux on”

* * *

 

He huffed again, standing in front of the sink in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror directly across from him. He was used to getting into a tux, so it didn’t take him very long at all. 10 minutes rendered him completely dressed with his hair combed back nicely. The one thing that was at all out of place was the bow tie. He had been standing in front of the mirror for nearly 15 minutes, trying desperately to tie the bow tie perfectly but failed every time. It was always a little lopsided or too crooked for his liking. I had been sitting on the edge of his bed, folding up his discarded clothes to be washed the next day. I knew that if I didn’t do it, he would’ve done it anyway, but it kept me busy. I grew up working with my hands, so I didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t busy. Aurora helped with that, though. She kept me plenty busy, and if it wasn’t her, it was the three puppies that we both loved so endlessly. When I heard him sigh again, I stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom, my flats padding lightly against the marble floor. Once I stood to the side of him, I reached up and grasped his shoulder in an attempt to turn him. He resisted and tried to tie it one last time without success. With another groan, he turned to face me. I knew that it was his way of accepting my help without explicitly asking for it, “you know, it’s not a bad thing to ask for help once in a while” I remarked as I began tying the black bow tie around his neck.

He didn’t address my remark, but I could feel his warm gaze on me, “how did you learn to do this?”

I shrugged my shoulders, focusing solely on the movements of my fingers. They danced ever so gracefully along the smooth silk. If I focused on anything else, like the way our bodies were so incredibly close to one another, I would’ve begun blushing just like I had in the workshop, “well, I have three older brothers. I lived on a farm growing up, but they could still clean up really nice. Whenever they did, I helped them tie their neckties and bow ties. I saw my dad do it enough, so I picked it up from him” I answered with the hint of a smile as I thought of my family in Kansas. I hated being so far away from them because there were days when I just needed a hug from my mom or a pat on the back from my dad. There were times when I wanted to argue with my older brothers for being as protective as they were, but I was more than a thousand miles away.

“I didn’t know you grew up on a farm”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t talk about my past that much anyway, so it’s not something many people know. Consider yourself lucky”

He chuckled, “I’ve been considering myself lucky ever since you became my partner in crime”

“That’s a pretty fancy name for a personal assistant” I remarked as I folded his collar back down and straightened the bow tie. I combed my fingers through his hair, fluffing it one last time. It was softer than one would’ve imagined it being, but I had the pleasure of raking my fingers through it countless times when he had a rough meeting. I could recall times when we would get out of a press conference, and he would just nestle his head on top of my lap in the limo on the way back to the tower or the mansion. I would comb my fingers through his hair, rubbing his temple as I stroked through the velvety soft and dark brown hair. There were times when the constant and gentle motion would lull him to sleep, but there were other times when I would hear quiet sniffling that I wasn’t meant to hear. We never talked about it, and I never called attention to it, but it felt good to be there for him in those moments.

He stepped closer to me, and my eyes finally flickered up to lock with his as he spoke, “you’ve always been more than just a personal assistant. You’ve been a friend and one of the only people in this world that I can trust with anything and everything” he explained with unparalleled passion in his voice. I didn’t know how to respond, so I just stood in front of him completely silent and completely still as I stared into those all-encompassing brown orbs. When he realized that he had left me speechless, he changed the subject, “listen, I know that I came off a little strong with the whole invitation and that it was really last minute, so I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that”

I smiled to myself, knowing that he wasn’t one to apologize very often. He wasn’t as soft and vulnerable around other people as he was with me, which was confusing in its own right. There were times when he would press until he got what he wanted, especially when it came to women, but he knew when to draw the line with me. The offer was a sweet gesture, and I didn’t decline it for any reason other than the fact that I had motherly duties to tend to. I also wasn’t fit to be seen in a romantic setting with a man of his caliber. I had only really been with one other person, and that ended in a...not so pleasant way. Thinking of having anything even remotely like that again was terrifying. However, Tony just had a direct line to my heart.. I straightened his jacket, “you’re just much more spontaneous than I am, and I admire that about you”

“When we first met, you were no different” he stated, recalling the few times we had met in the past. I remembered the very first time we met, and he came off as this fearless, confident, arrogant man who would do  _anything_ to impress the people around him. Coulson took me to meet him when I was only 18 years old-seven years ago-before the press conference following the incident with Obadiah Stane. We barely spoke to each other on that occasion since I was still getting the hang of being an actual agent out on the field. Still, during the few times we spent with each other, Tony managed to pick apart my personality enough to know that I had been spontaneous and carefree to an extent. He continued before I could completely lose myself in thought, “I mean, Coulson would tell me about how receptive you were and how you were going to be the best agent in the business because of your people skills  _and_ your ability to adapt to any new situation. He told me about one particular time when you got in the car at nine o’clock at night when you were in Rochester, New York together, and you drove all the way to Maine because you wanted to see the sunrise on the ocean the next morning. You used to be spontaneous, too”

I snickered as I ran my hands down his chest, flattening any wrinkles on the suit, “I also used to be a hopeless romantic, but people change”

“Not like that” he argued before the silence fell over us in the bathroom. I could feel the heat from his intense gaze. Instead of ignoring it, my eyes flickered up to meet his once more. A foreign look filled his eyes that could only be described as empathy, “what happened?”

I shrugged my shoulders, dropping my arms from his chest, “I grew up...and I learned that life isn’t always what I thought it would be” I answered, wanting to be as vague as possible. I didn’t want to tell him about my dark past, about the boxes I used to try to compartmentalize all the bad things that I was prone to. I was toxic, and the less he was exposed to that, the better off he would be. The Tony Stark I knew cared too much about too many people who ended up hurting him, so he built up his own walls and kept people out for that reason. If he let me in, he’d just be hurt again because he’d be able to see that this locked-down, confident, happy woman was just a facade. He’d see the problem, and he would do everything in his power to fix it, but the problems were everywhere, shoved so deep down that he couldn’t get his hands close enough to fix them. I wanted to let him in like he seemed to do to me. I wanted someone in close proximity that I could open up to, someone who would hold me when the world felt like it was crashing down around me. My mom and dad did that for me, and my brothers did that for me. However, it felt wrong to cry about the family I lost to the family that chose me. They gave me all the love and happiness I could ever want, but there was this piece that wanted nothing more than to know where I came from. The last person I opened up to was Ezra, and I couldn’t let what happened to him happen to Tony.

Those rough and calloused-yet gentle-fingers trailed down my arm and grasped my hand, sending shivers down my spine, “well, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to keep whatever it was from happening to you, but I refuse to think that the light-hearted, spontaneous, hopeless romantic girl is gone forever. She’s in there somewhere” he murmured with so much hope in his voice.

“You’ll have a hard time finding her” I replied in a much softer voice than before.

His voice dropped to a low and sultry tone as his eyes flickered down to my lips, “I’m always up for a challenge” he reminded me with the hint of a smile as he turned his gaze back to meet mine. My chest tightened as his body leaned impossibly closer to mine. His warm and peppermint breath cascading across my face left me dizzy. Every alarm in my body began going off, screaming at me to lean away or push him back, but I didn’t listen to them. Instead, I listened for that one silent corner of my heart, the place that hadn’t been hardened, the place that wasn’t afraid of being loved and showing love in return. That naive little corner was where I heard the soft and timid voice telling me to leap.

I grabbed his lapel, completely losing myself in that moment with him. As soon as our lips were a mere inch apart, I heard a familiar voice, “I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Stark, but the traffic in the area suggests that it will take a full hour to get to your destination. If you desire to be there by 7, you should leave in approximately five minutes” Vision interjected, standing in the doorway of the bathroom. The sound of his voice had caused me to jump away from my boss almost immediately, but I was frustrated that I lost myself so much to him that I wasn’t aware of everything else that was going on around me. Coulson had taught me to always be aware of your surroundings, and after nearly dying on a mission once before, I began to live by that piece of advice. A harmless moment with Tony turned into one that led me to forget my training, and that could only lead to trouble for both of us.

Tony cleared his throat, a visible blush on his cheeks, “thank you, Vision”

I straightened my cardigan, letting out a deep breath, “I’ll leave you to it, then. Have a good night, and try to stay out of trouble, Mr. Stark” I smiled back at him. It wasn’t very often that I used that name with him because he said it made him sound too old. However, it was my way of reminding him, subtly, that this was a professional business relationship and that what happened couldn’t happen again. If my judgement was compromised, people could get hurt, and I couldn’t watch that happen to him. I had seen too many people die, and I had lost too much to lose him.

I could almost  _feel_ his frustration with my use of the name, but he pushed through it with a smile, “I think you forget that trouble should be my first, middle, and last name,  _Miss Lockhart_ ”

I snickered and turned my attention back to Vision, “if you need  _anything_ , don’t hesitate to call. My home phone number as well as my cell phone number is programmed into the phone here, so feel free to call me if you have any problems or you just need someone to talk to. I’m only a half an hour away”

* * *

 

Her smile lit up my whole world. That little toothless grin I got whenever I played with her or smiled at her was what made all the hard work and all the pain worth it. If I knew back then the physical and emotional pain I would’ve gone through to have her, I still would’ve done it time and time again because the way her dark brown eyes lit up when she looked at me. She was the eighth wonder of the world, and none of the rest mattered. That beautiful little girl who looked just like her father broke my heart but also breathed life back into him. She would’ve been a daddy’s girl, and he would’ve been over the moon to know that he was going to be a dad, but the world wasn’t always kind. Life wasn’t always fair to those who deserved it the most, and he deserved a shot a being a father more than I deserved a shot at being a mother. He was the one who had prepared for it more. After what happened when I was younger, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have children because I was afraid to hurt them with my absence. There were no guarantees as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. There wasn’t a guarantee that you would be able to come home at night or live to see the next sunrise. Every time I went on a mission or even went to work, I was putting my life at risk. To bring a child into the world and leave them to fend for themselves because my job took me from them wasn’t the route I wanted to take. However, I still felt like I could do some good as an agent, and I wanted to keep my promise to Ezra.

I laid on my stomach in front of her on the floor, and she grabbed the roots of my dark brown hair, tugging at it once. She released the hair but continued running her tiny hands through it, laughing the entire time. I pushed my body forward just enough to press my nose to hers. It had become our special way of showing affection. Sure, Aurora got all the hugs and kisses a baby could ever ask for, but that was our special thing. She squealed again and began the babbling, talking to herself and to me as she ran her hands through my hair. I began laughing, which only made her laugh. She was definitely her father’s daughter. All it took to make Ezra laugh was just to laugh yourself. He wouldn’t even know the joke or find anything funny, but he would still laugh because someone else was feeling good. He was the most selfless and heroic man I knew, and so much of what he did was for me. He deserved all the happiness I experienced with Aurora, but I knew he only wanted this happiness for me. I smiled at her, and her laughing stopped, but she continued to smile as she stared into my eyes. With my right hand, I reached up and brushed some of her hair back, “I love you so much, pumpkin” I murmured, pressing a firm kiss to her forehead. As soon as I pulled away, that was when Rudy, our little yellow lab hurried over and licked her cheek, giving her his own kisses. She laughed again.

A knock on the door rang through the entire apartment followed by Bandit's barking. He was already on his way to being the best guard dog, but I knew that it was a trait for German Shepherds to be rather protective. I scooped Aurora up into my arms, and I walked over to the door, checking the peephole just to make sure it wasn’t a dangerous situation that I should remove her from. During my time as an agent, I learned that everyone was a potential threat and that no one could be trusted. Putting her in harm's way was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn’t just leave her sitting in the living room unsupervised because she could be a danger to herself. When I saw the delivery man standing outside my door, I furrowed my eyebrows but opened the door anyway. He held the bag from Chi’s Chinese Cuisine out to me, but I shook my head, “I didn’t call this in” I said, not wanting to accept food that wasn’t meant for me.

The boy in front of me, looking like he was straight out of high school, shrugged his shoulders, “you're Samantha Lockhart, right?" he asked, and I nodded my head, "well, I was just sent here to deliver the food. You don’t have to worry about paying for it because the bill has already been covered by a man going by the name of Mr. Trouble. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I’m not here to ask questions. I’m just here to give you the food” he said

_Trouble should be my first, middle, and last name._

I smiled to myself, knowing that this was totally his style. He wouldn’t take the credit for it, and he certainly wouldn't talk about it the following day even if I brought it up, but these small gestures were what meant the most to me. As soon as I relieved him from the bag, the delivery guy walked away. It was obvious that Tony had included the tip along with the payment for the food, because they would usually stick around for an uncomfortable amount of time just waiting for a tip. I turned my back to the door, closing it with my hip before carrying both the bag and Aurora into the kitchen. She nestled into me and my warmth as I set the bag down on the counter. I began fishing through it only to pull out my very favorite foods from that place. It was the very first place Tony took me to eat because he loved it there. For months, it had been our go-to Chinese restaurant because it wasn’t too fancy, but it wasn’t too cheap. Our first night there was one I wouldn’t forget. It was the first moment I realized that he was much more than just this genius billionaire who had iron suits. He was much more than the playboy he pretended to be, and that was the moment I felt something spark to life within me, something that had lain dormant for a long time, something that I didn’t even know still existed. I owed it all to Tony. The man who couldn’t even remember his own social security number could remember my favorite meal at a restaurant we ate at a handful of times and that I only mentioned in casual conversation.

As I stared down at the meal in front of me, I let out a content sigh, “thank you, Tony”


	2. My Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fragment of Samantha's past is revealed, and she fails at keeping Aurora a secret from everyone.

_My eyes opened to the beautiful and bright morning sun bleeding through the window and casting itself onto the walls on the other side of the room. The familiar pair of strong arms were wrapped tightly around my waist as he held my body tightly against his own. My head rested against his naked chest as my hair sprawled out over his chest and my arm, which was draped ever so delicately over his stomach. A light dusting of chest hair had grown a bit, but I knew he would end up taking care of that sometime in the next few days to be sleek and without a trace of imperfection. Damn, that man was beautiful. From the chiseled jawline to those deep and soft brown eyes that hid a fire behind them. He was passionate in all aspects of his life, which I always joked was because of that Latino fire. However, that passion made him the perfect agent, the perfect partner, and one hell of a lover. The sun reflected perfectly off his warm golden bronze skin like it had only been made to do that one thing. I knew Thor, and I had come across Loki on the helicarrier. I knew what God’s looked like. Not many people could really hold a candle to them, but Ezra could. I was reminded of it that morning as I took in how close to perfect my life was._

_That was until I saw the time. Six o’clock. I knew he liked to have time to shower, get dressed, and spend some personal time with me. However, I felt so guilty about having to wake him up. I wondered if he felt the same way when he did it to me, even though I doubted it because there were some late mornings when I’d sleep in, and he would run into the bedroom and jump onto the bed in an attempt to wake me up. A sly smile spread across my face as I swung my leg over his body and hoisted myself up to straddle his hips. I leaned down and began peppering his face with kisses, his stubble tickling my cheeks. He groaned as his eyes slipped open to take in the rays of the sun that continued to bleed into the room. After a “busy” night, neither one of us wanted to wake up with the sun, but he had to take off earlier than I did that morning, “come on, Ezra. It’s time to start the day” I urged him as I ran my fingers through his thick, dark brown hair._

_He sucked in a deep breath and stretched out beneath me, “do I **have** to wake up?” he asked, his eyes closing again. I knew he wasn’t falling back asleep because his hand trailed up my thigh and disappeared beneath the white t-shirt I had thrown on just before falling asleep. His slender fingers danced across the skin of my abdomen, but I knew he wouldn’t venture much higher. If he did, we’d both be late._

_One of my hands was pressed firmly against his abdomen as I kept myself balanced, and the other stroked his forearm. I nodded my head, “I’m afraid so. You have work today”_

_He pouted out his bottom lip for a moment before bringing his free hand up to his ear using his fingers as if they were a telephone. His dark brown eyes fluttered open again as he stared at me with that “Latino fire” I teased him about time and time again. It was this hunger that just never seemed to die down, but it was what kept me on my toes, “hello, work? I can’t come in today, I’m spending the day in bed with my beautiful, sexy, goddess of a girlfriend. Thank you. Click”_

_I laughed, falling back onto the bed with him, “I don’t think that’s how it works”_

_He shrugged his broad shoulders as he rolled over so his body was facing mine. I did the same thing, and we just laid like that in a moment of uninterrupted silence. I had the chance to take him in before he woke up, but he always did the same thing to me. It was like we were reminding ourselves of just how lucky we both were to wake up with the other next to our side. I knew that he felt the same way about me as I did him. He felt just as lucky to have me in his life as I felt to have him in mine, and he didn’t let me forget it. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine in a short yet passionate kiss. Those kisses just reminded me that he was my person. When he pulled away, he stared down at me and sighed, “I just don’t want to play politics at the Triskelion today if the other option would be to stay here and spend some quality time with you”_

_“Pierce is meeting with the world security council today, **and** we’re launching project Insight” I said, knowing that going to work today was going to be difficult. Telling him about my recent nightmares wouldn’t help the situation either. I was always afraid to lose him, so why should this be any different? We risked our lives all the time, and I couldn’t jeopardize all we had worked for because I had a few bad dreams. It was probably nothing, and I didn’t want to worry him over something insignificant. I ran a hand through his hair again, basking in the softness of his dark brown curls, “I **know** that Steve isn’t a bad guy, so whatever story they’re trying to spin-that he had some part to play in Fury’s death-it’s all bullshit to me. You’re the only person I trust to find out what’s really going on. They need you there today. A lot of the agents look up to you”_

_He chuckled, “no pressure”_

_“I would trade places with you if I could. I don’t really want to go to the Academy, but Agent Weaver specifically asked for **my** assistance” I confessed, thinking of how unimportant my assignment would end up being in comparison to his. He knew how much I loved being in the thick of it, and if anything did go down-like my dreams suggested-I wanted to face the brunt of it. Another reason why I didn’t want to leave was because of Steve. He was still somewhere close by, and this entire ordeal revolved around him. He was a fugitive at this point, and I just wanted to make sure he was brought home safe. He wasn’t a murderer, and he wasn’t the man other members of S.H.I.E.L.D. were trying to spin him as. I just wanted to make sure he was taken care of, and I couldn’t do that from the Academy._

_He smiled, “of course she did. Why wouldn’t you be her number one choice to address the students? I mean, you were one of the best and the brightest to go through the Academy. Plus, you’re the only living agent who’s worked this close with the Avengers”_

_I lowered my eyes, thinking of the man who built me into the agent I was today, thinking of the sacrifices he made for me and for the organization, “it’s all thanks to Agent Coulson”_

_Without missing a beat, he changed the subject, “so, I was thinking-”_

RING!

Without warning, I woke up to the ringing of the telephone. It was one of those recurring dreams-one of the ones that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I begged and pleaded for them to. There came a point when I desperately didn’t want to fall asleep because of the anticipation of seeing his face again, knowing that it was the last morning we would spend together. The start to the day when my whole world fell apart, and I could do _nothing_ to stop it. When the phone rang again, I groaned and looked over at the clock to see that it was only a few minutes until three o’clock. Who was calling at this time of the night? The only thing I could think of was that it was Tony accidentally drunk calling me. Even when he was having a panic attack this early in the morning, he would refrain from calling me, thinking that he was somehow a burden when he did that. I _wanted_ to be there for him during times like that, though. Before the phone could wake up Aurora, I answered it, bringing it up to my ear and closing my eyes once more, “hi, Tony. What’s up?”

The person on the other line cleared his throat, and I could tell right away that it wasn’t Tony before he even spoke, “you told me to call you if I needed anything, and there is a very major crisis that calls for your attention” Vision said in a calm yet…worried voice.

I shot up from bed, completely awake and with no signs that I had recently been sleeping. The fear that something terrible had happened to the man I was charged with-the man who meant more to me than so many other people-was overwhelming. My heart began to pound in my chest, thudding violently against my ribs until it physically hurt. Every bone in my body began to ache as my lungs tightened and reduced the amount of oxygen intake. It didn’t matter anyway because I couldn’t even think about breathing. Everything stopped as my mind raced with different scenarios just like _the last day_. Reliving that nightmare was inevitable in times like this, when I thought I would lose everything again, but I had to fight through it for the sake of the people I cared for, “is Tony okay?” I asked, my voice barely producing a whisper. Following my question, there was silence on the other side of the line for a prolonged moment, during which my mind only raced even more. I could only think of the crushing weight of the world on my shoulders on _the last day_ , how it felt to be in no control of anything, what it felt like to lose everything I ever worked for-everything I ever loved. That mix of anger and sadness propelled me forward in the silence, “Vision, is Tony okay?!” I asked again, my voice much louder and more urgent than the first time.

“I feel…worried. Mr. Stark hasn’t returned home from the gala, and he left nearly nine hours ago. I don’t know where he could be or if he is even okay. I was advised not to leave the house unaccompanied, but he isn’t answering his phone” he explained

I stood up from the bed, pulling my long t-shirt down to cover my red panties. I tried to think of all the logical scenarios to try and calm him down. Even though I desperately needed sleep, I was trying to think of the most probable situation Tony could’ve been in. My maternal instincts kicked in at the weirdest times, but Vision was still a child with an limitless mind and a synthetic body. It always surprised me that he couldn’t run these analyses’ on his own, but I knew that his emotions got in the way of him doing that. When it came to his team, he cared so deeply. Tony was very special to him, and I knew that it was because the relationship J.A.R.V.I.S. had with Tony was still lingering there. Vision didn’t know where these feelings came from, but he embraced them because it made him feel close to human. I took a deep breath as my mind came to the most likely solution and the one that would cause the least amount of pain to think about. While it would still bother me, I’d rather it be true than him being taken away and sold into the black market, “okay, Vision, listen, there is a chance he went home with someone else, and-”

He cut me off, clearly having thought through that scenario on his own already, but he came to no reasonable conclusions, “no, because he would’ve at least called me or you to say something about it or just to tell us where he was going” he explained, reassuring me of the one reason that made the possibility completely improbable. Tony would’ve called us to tell us where he was going. No matter how drunk he was, he would’ve made a phone call to gloat that he was on his way to sleep with someone, but he always let us know. Vision continued, “he also confided in me earlier this week that he hasn’t been with any woman since Ms. Potts and that he has no desire to; although, his actions toward you and in any situation involving you seem to contradict the claim”

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes widened, “that’s…more than I needed to hear, but okay” I murmured, trying to convince myself that it was impossible for Vision to have picked up on those things. I noticed every detail when it came to my interactions with Tony, but to go so far as to say he wanted to sleep with me was…asinine. There was also the possibility that Tony said something about it to him. Regardless, I had to move on, “listen, V, you can’t leave the house without someone with you, especially if you’re planning on walking the streets to find him. It’s just not safe for you, and people may not be too understanding of what you are and why you’re different”

He huffed, which was something so similar to what J.A.R.V.I.S. would’ve done if he had the capacity to do so. He was the sassiest and wittiest AI I had ever had the privilege of knowing, and Vision’s mannerisms were so much like the ones I figured J.A.R.V.I.S. would have if he were human, “I need answers as to where Mr. Stark is. Whether I have to find him myself or you go looking for him, one of us will need to figure out what’s going on because I cannot and will not sit at this mansion anymore, wondering what has happened”

“Like I said before, it’s probably nothing” I tried to soothe him, but I knew that he wouldn’t be satisfied with the response, just like I wasn’t. I was just as worried as he was, but I just showed my fears in a different way. Being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent taught me to be scared of nothing, and if I was, to tuck it away and forget about it for the sake of the mission. Being a mother taught me that I would be scared of everything that involved my daughter, but my job was to tuck it away for her sake as well as for my own sanity. This was another one of those times when my maternal instincts kicked in. It felt like Vision needed comfort, and I was trying to soothe him the best way I could over the phone even while I was freaking out internally about the situation, “just give me 40 minutes, and I’ll be there”

There was the slightest pause on the other end of the line before he spoke, “I’ll come to you. It’ll be much quicker”

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how he completely glossed over what I told him before about not leaving without someone else. I shook my head, “no, Vision, that’s-” I was cut off when the other end went dead, and I realized what had happened. I pulled the phone away from my ear to see that the call had ended, and it _wasn’t_ because of me. My jaw hung slack as it finally sunk in what happened and what he did, “that little shit hung up on me” I murmured under my breath, knowing that he wouldn’t be hearing the last of it from me. Either way, I couldn’t stop him once he left, and I was sure he was already out the door. That little whimper from the room right next to mine reminded me why I never invited anyone over, why I always found every reason not to ask Tony to stay the night when I desperately needed someone. No one knew about Aurora aside from a small handful of people who made sure that she stayed well hidden from the rest of the Avengers and the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D.. It was what kept me alive for so long. Too many times, the lives of loved ones were jeopardized by the enemy to force the hand of loyal agents, and I had lost too much to lose her as well. Even though I trusted Vision with my life, I could trust no one with hers. I didn’t even trust myself with her because the people I loved the most had a tendency to die pretty gruesome deaths. As Aurora started to cry, I let out a yawn and padded along the floor into the nursery, “it’s okay, pumpkin. Mommy’s here” I murmured, seeing her tiny body writhe around in the crib. Milo, our little black lab puppy, sat directly in front of the crib. The two of them were inseparable. Bandit was the protector, Rudy was the lover, and Milo was somewhere in the middle. He always slept at the foot of her crib, and if I didn’t make it to her in the first few cries, he would find me wherever I was in the apartment, and he would gnaw on my shoes until I went to her.

Before I even had the chance to pick her up, I just knew that it was because of a dirty diaper. The first time she woke me up in the night was because she was uncomfortable and just needed someone to hold her, and the second time was always for a diaper change. Then, we’d always end up cuddling in the rocking chair for a little while as I talked to her or sang a few songs. She had such a phenomenal temperament for a baby, crying only when she needed to eat or needed a diaper change. If she wanted anything else, she would just start babbling. There were times when she’d pull herself up into a standing position, and she’d fall back down without any tears, which I always thought was rather odd for an eight month old. She really was just the perfect baby. I reached down and ran a hand through Milo’s jet black fur, wanting to praise him for sitting with Aurora, “good job, buddy” I murmured as he twisted his head to lick my hand. I smiled down at him before lifting Aurora up into my arms. I carried her over to the changing table that my father built for her. Because we lived on a farm in Kansas, he was always working with his hands. Whenever things broke or the house needed remodeling, it was my dad who fixed it. He was the greatest farmer, carpenter, friend, and father I could ever ask for. When I told my parents that I was pregnant, they both went all out. He built the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table, and the dresser. When I found out that I was having a little girl, my mom splurged and bought so many decorations and toys while my older brothers, Jackson, Garrett, and Carter, bought enough clothes to last her until she was 5 years old. Saying she was spoiled by the family was an understatement, but it all came from a place of unconditional love.

In the process of changing her dirty diaper, I tried thinking of how to pass her off as a niece or the daughter of a friend Vision just never heard about. I had no real friends outside of the Avengers. With Coulson still playing dead, I couldn’t have much contact with him without sparking some suspicion from Tony, and that was the last thing my mentor wanted. Coulson had said time and time again that he didn’t want the Avengers to know that he was alive, especially after finding out about what it was that kept him alive. Daisy and I were the only ones to know about that. Tony and Bruce would ask too many questions about how he managed to make it out alive, and Coulson had a hard time lying to the people he cared about the most. Hiding wasn’t lying, though, but he still felt guilty for it. Even though we were walking on thin ice, we couldn’t go too long without seeing each other, and in doing so, I had grown closer to his “team of misfits.” A piece of me was happy simply because he was happy. He was one of the best friends I ever had, and all I wanted was for him to feel fulfilled in his life. His small team allowed him to thrive after losing everything, and I would support him in every decision because he had a very special place in my heart. He helped me more than I ever could’ve imagined when I was pregnant with Aurora, and the unbelievable debt I owed him tripled in size during that period of time. Coulson, Fury, Maria Hill, and Melinda May were the only ones who knew about Aurora. Coulson’s team only knew that I had a daughter, but they didn’t know any other details. The Avengers knew absolutely nothing, and I had to keep it that way. While I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed of having an eight month old daughter at 25 years old myself, I couldn’t risk telling Vision that she was, in fact, mine. Perhaps, I could pass her off as my niece, but then I would have to come up with a reason as to why she was in Thousand Oaks with me while the rest of my family was in Ulysses, Kansas. Maybe he would fall for a story that she was just visiting for a few weeks. The rest of my family was supposed to be coming up soon, so he wouldn’t be too suspicious.

Once her diaper was changed, I lifted her tiny body into my arms, and I carried her over to the rocking chair. As I rocked back and forth in a fluid motion, I cradled her small body in my arms, still wondering how I got so lucky to have the most perfect and beautiful little girl in my life. She gazed up at me with those big brown eyes that I woke up to for years- _his_ eyes. Whenever I looked at her, I couldn’t help but realize that she was the embodiment of all his kindness, love, and grace. He would’ve loved her so much, more than anyone else could’ve because she was _his_ little girl. He would’ve looked at her the same way my father looked at me, like I was the first sunrise after years of darkness. My finger ghosted across her temple as she closed her eyes again, ready to fall back asleep. While she would’ve been fine if I put her back in the crib, I didn’t want to leave her just yet. With it being Saturday, I knew that it would be a long day of work, and she’d be left with Erin, the babysitter. The 15 year old girl was extremely patient with both Aurora and I, and she was incredibly polite. She treated Aurora as more of a baby sister than anything else, which made leaving the two of them alone together easier. I began humming the same lullaby my birth mother sang to me as I was growing up. It was an old Chinese lullaby her mother sang to her and so on.

After ten minutes of singing the same song, Aurora was fast asleep, and I heard soft footsteps on the hardwood floor outside the room. I knew it had to be Vision, and I could think of nothing else to do except sit in the chair and continue rocking her. All the thought that went into potentially hiding her just went out the window because I couldn’t bring myself to move just yet. She was just so peaceful, and I didn’t want to risk waking her up. His tall and lanky body stepped into the doorway and faced the two of us. I knew that he wanted to compliment the song I had been singing quietly but before he could say a single word, his mechanical and bright blue eyes caught sight of the child in my arms. His eyes widened, and his eyebrows raised up in clear amazement. It was as if the pieces of the puzzle were forming in his mind as the confusion melted away, “oh, that’s a little human…a baby” he said, trying to find the right word.

I held up my hand, ready to start the lie I had been working on, “listen, V, I can explain what-”

He cut me off, knowing exactly what I was going to do. It was like the relationship I shared with the AI he inherited just transferred over to Vision and I, like we picked up where we left off. J.A.R.V.I.S. always just knew what kind of mood I was in, and he knew my little mannerisms. Even though Vision was only two months into his life, he could still pick up on the subtle pieces of my personality, including how my mood changed right before I was about to lie, “she’s your daughter” he stated, taking in the new piece of information without a hint of anger, confusion, or disbelief. It was just a new truth in this world, and it didn’t phase him whatsoever. As he stared down at the baby in my arms, the hint of a smile formed on his face. His gaze didn’t lock with mine again, but I watched as he came alive right in front of my eyes, “the little human is your daughter”

* * *

Driving around Los Angeles at five in the morning had to be my _least_ favorite part of the job. It wasn’t a part of the description, either. Driving around in the early hours of the morning to look for your boss while your eight month old baby was being cared for by a synthetic man because there was no way you’d risk bringing her into some of the sketchier parts of the city was the farthest thing from my job description. From half past three in the morning, I was driving around and looking for Tony, but the longer I drove, the angrier I became. It was partially because of the lack of sleep for months along with his complete disregard for the other people in his life who cared about him. Every bar I drove by, I slowed down just to check the alleyways to make sure he wasn’t passed out drunk. Scenario after scenario ran through my mind, and the worst ones lingered like they were teasing me and reminding me of just how bad my life could get…just like they did on _the last day_. I was terrified every time I turned a corner or looked down one of the alleyways because I couldn’t find him dead. I had lost too much to lose him, too.

Taking a right turn from Yucca onto Vine, I only had to drive a few hundred feet to reach Avalon Hollywood, the next place on my list. He had talked about wanting to go a few times before, but I couldn’t spare the time to go out clubbing with him when I could barely make time to be with my daughter. There came a point when drinking and partying wasn’t a responsible thing to do, and when you were a single mother, it wasn’t much of an option. Once again, I slowed down outside the nightclub, but it didn’t take nearly as long to notice the man slouched against the wall clad in the tuxedo I had picked out for him. My whole heart felt like it leaped into my throat, and my chest tightened. I was out of the car before it even stopped, my feet hitting the ground almost as fast as my heart thudding against my ribs, which would surely cave due to the immense pressure, “oh my god” I breathed out as I fell to my bare knees in front of him, scraping them on the sidewalk. It didn’t phase me because of the adrenaline, though. I lifted his head up from its relaxed position, only to see that there was still color in his face and that he was still breathing. That fear and worry didn’t subside as quickly as I thought it would. There would be time later to be angry with him or to vent to my mom about it, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than taking care of him in that moment. When it all started to come together, it was obvious that he had been thrown out of the nightclub, and I was sure that it was because he got too drunk and started to cause a scene. Tony was all about going hard or going home, and he _never_ planned on going home. He always gave 110% to everything he did, and that included drinking.

I brushed the messy, dark brown hair away from his face, running the tips of my fingers along his jawline once I could finally see him clearly. My stomach twisted up into a knot, and I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against his as a way of bringing myself back into the present. With all the worrying I had done about him, it was good to know that he was alive and unharmed, and I had to remind myself of that simple fact. I didn’t lose him. He was sitting right in front of me. As I combed my fingers through his hair once more, his eyes fluttered open, and he stared into mine, a dumb grin spreading across his face, “you came!” he beamed with pride.

“To bring you back home” I clarified, helping him up off the ground.

He shook his head, “but I want to stay. My friends are inside, and they want to party with me some more” he slurred, trying to get away from me without success. When he was this drunk, he was sloppy and weaker than usual. We had sparred a few times before, and he always pulled his punches when it came to me, but I never backed down, wanting to show him that I was fit for this job. No matter how many times I told him I could handle it, he wouldn’t risk hurting me. In his weakened state, it was easier to guide him over to the car, and he only fought back long enough to figure out that I wasn’t budging on the matter.

I laid him down in the backseat, making sure his feet were in properly before I closed the door. I just stared at him through the tinted window as his eyes closed once more, ready to fall asleep again. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of all the potential that was lost because of his behaviors. He would drink himself to death one day, and that was what scared me the most. The thought of going through the rest of my life without one of his witty comments or one of his warm embraces caused the tears. I couldn’t imagine facing the world without him because he was the one person who tore down the walls I built after _the last day_ and saw me for who I really was. As I stared at the man in the backseat of my car, my heart broke because I knew that I wouldn’t be enough to save him from himself.

The guilt I felt for not going with him that night clouded my mind the entire ride back to the mansion. I couldn’t help but think that if I had been there, if I sacrificed my time with Aurora, maybe things wouldn’t have escalated the way they did. Hindsight was 20/20, though. I thought the same thing about _the last day_. Maybe if I told Agent Weaver I couldn’t go to the Academy, I could’ve gone to the Triskelion with Ezra. Maybe if Ezra went to the Academy instead of me, I could’ve taken his place, and he’d be forced to take on the world without me instead of the other way around. There was always a “what if” or a “maybe” in every bad situation, but my relationship with Tony had always been a “maybe.” As we pulled into the mansion, I shook my head, glancing back at him to see that he was still sleeping. When I put the car in park, I clenched my jaw, “I just don’t know what to do with you anymore, Tony. I don’t know what you want from me” I murmured almost to myself. It wasn’t like he would remember any of this or could even comprehend what I was talking about because he was drunk. This was the perfect time to let out my frustrations that I couldn’t really voice to him when he was sober, “you just don’t get it. You don’t understand, and that’s not entirely your fault. I haven’t talked to you about Ezra, and I haven’t talked about my birth parents. You just don’t know how much I’ve lost and that losing you slowly…like _this_ is bringing back all those memories. Maybe my love just isn’t good enough for you. Maybe I can’t love you enough to make you love yourself, but I’m trying. I’m trying to take care of you and to be here for you, but this was a really hard night for me, Tony. You have no idea how your actions broke my heart, and even if you did, I’m not sure you’d change. I can’t stop caring about you, and that’s the worst part of this. I just get to sit on the sidelines and watch as you tear your life apart”

* * *

“If we’re gonna do this, at least take me out to dinner first” he giggled as I pushed him back onto the bed. His shirt had been discarded, and it was time for the pants. Everything was sexual when it came to Tony, whether he was drunk or not. He’d make suggestive comments no matter what the situation. At least sober Tony knew when to stop, but drunk Tony just kept going. If any outside forces had seen what was happening, it could’ve been construed as some _very_ inappropriate behavior between the two of us, but I was trying to keep him from throwing up on his tuxedo. I did _not_ want to be tasked with picking out a new one because he ruined this one, so the best way to avoid that was to get him into pajamas, which would mean stripping him of his tux first.

As I undid the buckle on his pants, he giggled again, and I shook my head, “we’re not doing _anything_ because you’re drunk, and I’m exhausted. I just need to get you into something more…disposable” I clarified, pulling the pants down past his thighs and to his ankles where I could finally pull them off his body. I folded them in half and tossed them over the back of the chair, “just lay there while I pick out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers for you to wear” I said, walking over to the closet. I opened the door and stepped inside, making a beeline for the dresser that had his pajamas.

From the other room, he called out to me again, “you forgot to take off my underwear”

I huffed, thinking of how much better Aurora was when it came to listening to me. While she didn’t understand what I meant, she picked up on what was acceptable and what wasn’t. Drunk Tony wasn’t as perceptive as my eight month old, “I told you five minutes ago that we weren’t taking off your underwear. Do _not_ take them off, Anthony”

Silence.

“Damnit” I growled, sifting through the drawer to find a t-shirt and a pair of boxers that he wouldn’t be skeptical of in the morning. It had to look like something he picked out on his own, so I chose an AC/DC t-shirt and a pair of red boxers. When I finally carried them out to the bedroom, I saw a completely naked man standing with his back toward me. Thank goodness. There were plenty of times when I had seen him…less than decent-times when I saw way more than just his bare backside-but it surprised me every time. I held my hand over my eyes, and I tossed the boxers in his general direction, “Jesus, Tony. Why don’t you listen to me?”

“I was overheating” he claimed in defense of himself. There was a long pause as he struggled to pull on the boxers, but he continued, “plus, I thought we were gonna have sex”

With a roll of my eyes, I finally lowered my hand, “it’s probably a good thing you don’t remember stuff like this” I said, thinking of how embarrassed sober Tony would be if he knew the boundaries drunk Tony completely ignored.

When I finally walked over to him, he stared down at me with that affectionate and curious look in his eyes, like he was in awe of me. He looked at me like that a lot, but I never understood why. The only other man who looked at me that way was Ezra, but it was obvious because we were together for years. Tony was the wham bam, thank you, ma’am type. He didn’t stick around for the serious stuff, and after Pepper and Rhodey, he certainly had little to no trust in anyone else. That made the trust he put in me much more meaningful and surprising. He cocked his head to the side as I unfolded the t-shirt in my hands, “why aren’t we dating?” he asked

I sighed, knowing that it was something that we had both left unsaid. We didn’t talk about whatever it was that was between us, and we never mentioned the potential. I didn’t know what his reasoning was because he _always_ made his desires known. Of course, the flirtation and teasing between us had always been there, but I never thought that he truly wanted something more with me because I was… _me_. If he knew what he would be signing up for, I was sure he’d give it a second thought, too. I knew him well enough to know that he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father figure to a little girl who would only grow up with a mother. It was too much of a commitment, and I couldn’t be with a man who wasn’t willing to commit. I didn’t want to tie him down and keep him from living the single life, and I couldn’t put Aurora through the potential of having a father figure only to lose him. I chuckled, looking up at him, “we aren’t dating because of shit like this”

“Add a nickle to the swear jar” he remarked

I furrowed my eyebrows, pulling the t-shirt over his head, “we don’t have one”

He scoffed, clearly thinking that the lack of a swear jar was the biggest disappointment of the night, “well, we _should_ have one because I swear, and you swear. We’re all swearing all day long, and every day. Vision thinks about swearing, which should count. We could use it to raise money for charity” he yawned, still tired. It was one thing we had in common. He continued, “you know, I never understood why certain words are more offensive than others. My mom was always offended by the word shit, but I’m not offended by it. Why are…” his voice trailed off as his eyes glossed over, “I think I need to throw up”

I nodded my head, holding onto his body as I guided him into the bathroom. Instead of allowing him to stumble into the bathroom, I wanted to make sure he got there in one piece. As soon as he knelt down in front of the toilet, he buried his head in the bowl and began emptying the contents of his stomach into it. I frowned, wishing that I could help him but knowing that there was nothing I could do other than sit with him like my mom did for me when I was pregnant and experiencing morning sickness. She would just rub circles into my back and sit with me as I threw up. It wasn’t pretty, but she did it because she loved me. It was the same reason why I put up with the sleepless nights and the worrying that came with being a part of Tony’s life. Not all parts were extravagant, but I did them all without a second thought because I cared about him. I got comfortable on the cold marble floor, ready for the long day ahead of us. He would throw up for a while, and he’d pass out in bed for a few hours while I got to work around the house. When he woke up, he’d throw up a little more, but it wouldn’t last for too long. Then, I’d end up making him breakfast to help soothe his nausea, which he would bring down to the workshop to eat in his own company.

When he finally stopped heaving, I reached up and flushed the toilet before pulling him back from the bowl. I wiped his face with a wet washcloth, wanting to keep him as clean as possible during this very messy process. His dark brown eyes locked with mine, and he chewed on his bottom lip, “Pepper never did things like this with me. I would get drunk, and she would just leave because she was mad”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I _am_ mad at you, Tony, but I can’t leave you because I’m pretty sure you’d manage to drown yourself in the toilet while you’re throwing up”

He chuckled, “it’s more than that, though. You care about me the same way I care about you. Pepper didn’t stick around for the things that weren’t very pretty. I know I’m a handful, but…I figured that she would’ve been the one to put up with the baggage I brought to the table. And if not her, I always thought Rhodey would have my back. I always thought if my relationship with Pepper failed, he would step in and support me during the beginning stages of grieving a relationship I was invested in. Ever since that night, I’ve been afraid of the people I suspect least stabbing me in the back. I haven’t wanted to get close to anyone else-to _love_ anyone else-because of what happened” he confessed, opening up to me on a level that would only present itself when he was intoxicated.

I frowned, knowing the kind of pain he went through. He was like me in that he didn’t trust easily to begin with. We had our own reasoning for it, but our inability to freely open up to people was the same. The _two_ people he had known the longest, the people he thought he could trust the most, stabbed him in the back at the same time. Of course, he loved and trusted his teammates on the Avengers, but it was different with Pepper and Rhodey. He knew them before he became Iron Man, before he tried to better himself by giving back to the world, and they hurt him more than anyone else could’ve. I reached out and grasped his hand in mine, stroking his knuckles with my thumb, “there are still people out there who care about you, people who want nothing more than for you to be happy” I explained

“Like the person sitting right in front of me” he murmured, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as his eyes glazed over with tears. He wouldn’t let them fall, but they were noticeable, “when I met you, everything in my life changed. From the start of my relationship with her, I thought that she was the only woman for me because she put up with my habits that annoyed her to no end. You challenge me, and you showed me how wrong I was about her. You taught me what it’s like to have patience, that love doesn’t mean rushing into something just for the sake of being with someone” he swallowed hard, glancing down at the space between us for a long moment as he collected his jumbled thoughts. When he locked eyes with me again, I saw that renewed vigor in them, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Sam. I really don’t. Because even in my darkest moments, the times when I don’t want to try anymore, when I think the world would be a better place without me, you’re the reason why I keep going. You’re my purpose”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. While I love writing drunk Tony, it's tragic at the same time because of what it took to get him there. I always wished they touched on it a little more in the MCU, but I can't complain. I wanted to include Tony much more in this chapter, but I also needed a build up for what's about to happen. Get ready for a wild ride!


	3. A Good Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upset with Tony, Samantha decides to confront him about his alcoholism, leading to an argument that leaves their relationship on the brink of destruction.

I stood downstairs in last night’s clothes. I didn’t have time to go home to get changed into my proper attire, so I was clad in a pair of high-waisted denim shorts, one the black and white flannel shirts I stole from Jackson, and a pair of black converse sneakers. By the time I got Tony into bed, it was nearly seven in the morning. After cleaning and bandaging my scraped knees to avoid infection, I started in with some of the work for the day. Erin always got to the house at 5:30 in the morning on Saturday’s to give me time to get to the mansion by six, and I told Vision to come back to the mansion as soon as she arrived. He had been worried that she wouldn’t understand the needs of babies even though I told him time and time again that she had been taking care of Aurora every Saturday for months now. Still, he insisted on overseeing her “technique” with “the little human.” Even after reminding him of her name multiple times, he refused to call her anything but “the little human,” which I thought was both innocent and endearing all at the same time. Vision had finally showed back up a little after nine in the morning, which was when I began planning breakfast for Tony. It was more than likely that he’d be up by 10. Usually, once he passed out, he didn’t sleep for anymore than 3 hours. When he finally did wake up, he would find the vitamins, a glass of water, and a bottle of Cool Blue gatorade on the night stand next to his bed.

As I cooked breakfast, the anger from the previous night became harder and harder to ignore. Vision had left me to my thoughts, not wanting to press for information, but I knew that he was there for me no matter what. If I needed or wanted to talk with him, he would be available to me no matter what, but I couldn’t risk it for fear of losing my sanity. Focusing on the task at hand-cooking the breakfast that would help with the nausea and headaches-helped me compartmentalize. Still, what happened last night only opened the floodgates for the stuff I had been upset by for months. It was like all those little boxes that I had kept neatly organized within my mind were suddenly dumped out onto the floor. The fact that I was running on a little more than two hours of sleep, and I was taking care of a grown man who acted like a 21 year old who was finally able to go out and party was _ridiculous_. I lost out on sleep and the little bit of time I had with my daughter so that I could drive around and search for a man who had given up. He didn’t care about his own life. He was selfless in the sense that he would do anything for anyone. I remembered countless times when he would go out of his way to make sure I was happy and taken care of. The problem was that he took care of everyone else, but he couldn’t take care of himself. That was what broke my heart about him. When he loved, it was with his whole heart, but he couldn’t accept love in return.

Thinking about how scared I was and how weak I felt while driving around the city made me even more angry as I scrambled the spinach and Parmesan eggs. It was the same weakness I felt on _the last day_. His body slouched against the wall of the nightclub looked so similar to how I found my birth father against the side of the barn, blood covering the front of his shirt from the gash in his neck that it originated from. It was the first day I felt hate, the day my innocence died. The fear I felt when I first heard Vision tell me that he hadn’t returned home only reminded me of the screams of the woman who gave life to me, the woman who sang me to sleep before bed every night up until she joined my father, leaving me alone in the world. Everything that happened that morning reminded me of the worst days of my life, and it stacked up against me. The world was cruel sometimes, and I did my best to roll with the punches. Not much could knock me down, but there was something about last night that made his self-destructive behavior so much worse. Maybe it was the possibility of losing him that became much clearer now, or maybe it was his inability to understand how devastating it would be for me to lose him-for the _world_ to lose him.

The sadness only fueled the anger that had been bottled up for months, and the world came to a grinding halt when those fingers grazed the skin of my hand. Abruptly, I pulled my hand from his almost like I had been burned. Because I was seething with rage, the temperature within my body felt like it rose exponentially with each passing moment, so his warm hand against mine felt like I was touching dry ice. I was at the point where I didn’t want to calm down. I was allowed to be angry with him no matter how much I lov… _cared_ about him. Part of my surprise was that I wasn’t as aware of my surroundings as usual lately, especially being as exhausted as I was. I shook my head, not even bothering to look up at him. Instead, my full attention was focused on the scrambled eggs as I spoke to him, “don’t touch me” I growled under my breath, desperately trying to contain my anger but wanting to express it at the same time. I wanted to yell at him, to tell him how terrible he was for making me pick up his mess _again_. I wanted to scream until he finally understood that I couldn’t handle his careless actions anymore. The other part of me just wanted to stay quiet and avoid an argument. My dad always called me the perfect balance of the lover and the fighter. I was peaceful, but I had a fire within me.

The confusion radiated off of him, “what? Why are you upset with me?”

I snickered, picking up the pan and carrying it over to the pristine white plate that had the piece of honey on toast that would help with the nausea. I ground my teeth together as I scooped the scrambled eggs onto the plate. Once I was done, I set the pan down, afraid that if I looked at him while I still held it, I would throw the poor thing. The pan had done nothing wrong. As I turned to face him, I laughed again, but I was the farthest thing from happy. I just found it hilarious that he really didn’t know _why_ I was upset with him and the fact that he called my seething rage “upset.” It wasn’t his fault, though. I glared at him, “upset? You think I’m upset with you, Anthony?” I asked, and he nodded his head, completely still and completely silent. Again, his ignorance propelled me forward, much louder than before, “I’m furious! I’m absolutely livid that we have to have this conversation _again_ , that we have to talk about your drinking problem _again_. It’s the same shit but just a different day” I breathed out, feeling like I needed to cry. Instead, I bottled it up again, not wanting him to see me like that. I was always the one to put on that facade of false strength, to make him think that I wasn’t falling apart. I never told him about my problems or what I went through because he was my responsibility, not the other way around. I swallowed hard, “do you know how you got home?”

He shrugged his shoulders with a light shake of his head, “not particularly, no. I figured someone hailed me a cab, and I just passed out in bed”

I chewed on my bottom lip as I shook my head in response, “wrong. That’s _exactly_ the wrong answer” I yelled, the volume of my voice only growing louder as time went on, “ _no one_ -none of these _friends_ -hailed you a cab. _Instead_ , I had the pleasure of driving all over the goddamn place at 3 in the morning to find you passed out in front of a nightclub because _I_ am the one who cares about you! _I_ am the one who picks up the pieces, not them- _ME_!” I thundered, causing him to flinch. He knew I would never hurt him, but it was his reaction when things got too loud or too out of control. A part of me wanted to pull him in for a warm embrace, but I couldn’t act on that desire in the moment.

“I didn’t mean to put you in that situation. You shouldn’t have to be the one to do shit like this, and it was never my intention to…” his voice trailed off as he cast his eyes down to the floor. He sighed, “listen, I’m sorry about last night, Sam”

My temper died down a bit when I finally heard him apologize, but I heard that line too many times before, “there are too many last night’s, and there are too many sorry’s with no intention to change” I stated as my breath caught in my throat. As soon as he heard it catch, his gaze met mine again only for him to see the involuntary tears filling my eyes. The shame that came with them caused me to look away from him as I fought them back. I let out a shaky breath as I finally built up the courage to look into his eyes again, “I can’t watch you die, Tony. I just can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore. It needs to stop because I can’t keep dropping everything in _my_ life to drive around at 3 o’clock in the morning looking for you. There are people out there who want to hurt you because you pose a significant threat to their agenda. You could’ve been hurt, and I wouldn’t have been there to help you. Do you _know_ what losing you would do to me? Do you have _any_ idea?” I asked as a stray tear streamed down my cheek. Shit.

He stepped closer to me as tears filled his eyes. That was one of those beautiful things about him. He cried with you-never _for_ you. Seeing me hurt made him hurt. As soon as the space between our bodies lessened, I took another step back, not wanting him to touch me. The moment he tried to hold me, I would break down into a puddle of tears, so he kept his distance. Still, he answered the question, “yes, because it’s the same way I would feel if I lost you”

“Then why do you do things like this?” I asked, and he just shrugged his shoulders again, “it broke my heart to see you last night, to see you passed out on the sidewalk like you didn’t have a home to go back to”

“I don’t. This-” he said, gesturing around the room, “-this is just a fucking house! There’s nothing here for me. There was nothing for me to come back to, so why not stay out late and get shitfaced instead of reminding myself that I’m living on borrowed time? Why not try to forget that when I do come back to this house, I’ll be going to sleep in an empty bed because my best friend took my girlfriend away from me? Why _wouldn’t_ I drink to forget that I picked up and moved away from the people I love most just because I was _afraid_ that my presence would only hurt them more? Why wouldn’t I try to forget the countless times I put the ones I loved most in danger? What do I have to come home to? What makes this place home, huh? Answer me that fucking question”

“Me!” I yelled in an exasperated voice

“THAT’S THE PROBLEM!” he boomed, causing my whole body to seize up in fear. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but it was still startling to hear him yell. He continued, his voice still loud but not as startlingly loud as the first time, “do you know how many nights I’ve spent lying awake because I’m too afraid to fall asleep? I’ve laid awake for days on end because falling asleep brings me back to the same nightmare. If I hadn’t created Ultron, countless people would still be alive right now. Pietro wouldn’t be dead. He was just a kid, and _I_ killed him. Then, I look at you…” he choked out, gesturing to me as a tear streamed down his cheek. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, but his voice cracked again as he continued speaking, “I look at the _one_ thing that makes me believe I did something right in my life, and I’m just waiting for the day I create something with the best intentions, and it kills you, too”

“That won’t happen” I reminded him, not wanting him to dwell on the possibility that another Ultron incident could happen again. It wouldn’t. I stepped closer to him, “even though you’re afraid that I won’t be here, I am. You have _me_ to come back to. To be honest, I’ve always thought of this place as a home for me because wherever you are…that’s home. Where my parents and brothers live, that’s home, too. Wherever Steve is, that’s home. Wanda, Vision, Clint, Natasha, Thor, Sam. They’re all home for me. Maybe it was wrong to have hope that you’d think about it the same way, but…I did. I always thought that maybe I could help you through this, that you’d try to get better for me, for the sake of the people who need you. I just can’t be here to watch you kill yourself, and that’s what you’re doing by living like this”

“So, does that mean you’re leaving?” he asked, staring down at the floor between us as he clenched his jaw. I knew that he had some anger built up and that it was coming out. I didn’t understand his need to drink, and he didn’t understand why I couldn’t watch him waste away. Once he finally composed himself, he glared back up at me, suddenly a different man from the heartbroken one I saw only a moment ago, “you just gonna walk away…like _Pepper_? Or like _Rhodey_?”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “don’t go there because I _never_ betrayed you like they did. Why do you think we’re having this conversation? Why do you think I’m so angry at you right now? It’s because I care so much, it’s because I’ve lost too much to lose you, too” I answered the questions for him, “I was charged with protecting you because Fury knew that I had the temperament to handle all the curve-balls you’d throw at me and that I had the skill set to keep you alive. I can protect you from almost anything. Hell, Thor has even taught me a few things. I _can’t_ protect you from yourself, though, Tony. When you go out, you get plastered, and you’re just wandering the streets. You’re awake for days at a time down in your workshop, you-”

He cut me off, shaking his head, “this is because of my drinking, not the other stuff”

“No, this is about _everything_ , Tony. This is about your tendency to put your own life in danger. It’s about your tendency to say, “fuck it” with your own life, like you don’t even care if you wake up in the morning or if you even make it through the day. It’s about your selfish attitude that you can _honestly_ tell yourself that we’d be better off without you, that the _world_ would be better off without you. I’d be _lost_ without you. This conversation is also about my inability to watch as I lose _another_ person I care about. I wasn’t there to-”

He cut me off again. God, I hated that. Still, it meant that I wouldn’t have to finish what I was saying. I realized it was a bad idea as soon as I started the next statement. He didn’t need to know about all the times I failed to save the people I loved. As the beginning of his sentence interrupted the middle of mine, he glared daggers at me, “I gave you the option to come along, and you denied it because you were at home taking care of your dog’s. Don’t forget that _you_ were the one who didn’t want to come with me” he said, pinning all that happened last night on me. Before I could say something I regretted, I started to walk away. Maybe it was best if we cooled off because I knew Tony couldn’t have meant what he said. We all said things when we were angry that we came to regret. As I began walking away, his next words stopped me on a dime, almost like they stabbed me in the back and took my breath away, “you don’t have to stay, you know. No one is forcing you to stay here and babysit me, so if you just want to walk away, go ahead. I could get on just fine without you”

My heart felt like it stopped, and I couldn’t breathe. It was a punch in the gut, and it wasn’t even one I could prepare for and deflect. Tears sprang to my eyes immediately, and I desperately wanted to say something back, but I couldn’t find any words. I was in absolute shock, but it sank in slowly. Of all the arguments I had with him and of all the debates, I never told him anything as harsh as that. As soon as I caught my breath, I fought against the lump in my throat, “I made you breakfast” I murmured, my voice breaking. Instead of facing him, I lost all sense of myself. My hand came up to cup over my mouth to muffle whatever sob was bound to be creeping up my throat, and I hurried away. Burying myself in work would be the best thing to do, or I was bound to start crying. The moment I reached his bedroom upstairs, I let out a pent up breath. When I turned around, I was greeted by the only “person” I wanted to see. As soon as he saw the tears in my eyes, he wrapped his slender arms around me and pulled me in for a warm embrace. The moment I allowed that first tear to fall, all the walls came crashing down around me, and my entire body began to tremble as I cried. Vision just rubbed circles into my back and soothed me as I opened up to him for the first time. Maybe it was the J.A.R.V.I.S. in him that wasn’t as disturbed by it because I had done plenty of crying in the midst of the artificial intelligence Tony named after his butler growing up. J.A.R.V.I.S. was used to my tears, and he always consoled me in any way he could. Vision finally gave life to what the AI always wanted to do but never could, so he held me and comforted me as I broke down, “I’m sorry” I whimpered, apologizing for the complete breakdown he was witnessing. It was my job to take care of them, not the other way around.

He cradled my head against his chest, “there’s no reason for you to apologize. You’re human, and I hear that crying is a very natural process that happens when people are sad. You are in distress after what Mr. Stark said, so it would be alarming if you were _not_ expressing these emotions”

I let out a deep sigh, squeezing out more of the tears that stung my eyes, “why does it hurt so much?” I asked, my voice muffled by his chest.

“Because you love him”

I did. I loved him.

* * *

 

***Tony's POV***

I sat down in my workshop for a little over an hour just tinkering. The breakfast she made me-scrambled eggs with spinach and parmesan as well as a piece of toast with honey-was still sitting on the bench next to me. Usually, I would’ve run downstairs and ate it in a hurry before getting to work on whatever invention came next. Tinkering was my specialty, and hangovers always got my creative juices flowing. I didn’t touch it, however, because I used it as a reminder of what I just screwed up. As my hands moved over the newest addition to one of my suits, I tried to come up with a way to apologize to her. Of all the people in the world, she deserved my anger the least. She cared about me, and I cared about her too much, which scared me. The only way I knew how to get out that fear was through yelling and screaming, which only hurt the other person. In the moment, it felt like the best thing to do. If I could get her to walk away from me, I wouldn’t have to take responsibility for it. It would’ve been her own choice. All I had to do was push her far enough to get her to leave, and I wouldn’t have a problem sleeping because she would be safe.

When Agent Coulson first introduced me to her at the beginning of my journey as Iron Man, I never thought that we’d be in this situation today. She was timid the first time we met, but I saw the fire in her eyes. I saw the potential she had as a young 18-year-old girl, and it only grew as she got older. Her and Agent Coulson were attached at the hip, so whenever I saw him, she was there like his powerful little shadow. The longer we were acquainted, the better I came to know her. She was funny and carefree, much different from the other agents I had met. Her and Coulson were almost polar opposites, but it worked out. While he was much more serious and stern, she was bubbly and happy. He talked when he felt something _needed_ to be said, and she talked to break the ice or to have a lighthearted conversation. He kept her grounded, but she brought a light into his life that he didn’t have otherwise. The way he looked at her was wildly different from the way he looked at anyone else. She was his guiding light, and he was hers. Then, the one time she wasn’t with him was New York, and I was certain it was the only way Loki got his hands on the man who pulled us all together. If she had been there, she would’ve kicked the unholy shit out of Loki for even thinking about bringing harm to the man she loved so dearly. A part of me knew that she blamed herself for that. After the incident, she hardened and became much more like him-talking only when words needed to be said, analyzing every situation, and being solemn more often than not. After the incident in D.C., when Hydra finally had the nerve to show their face again, it was like she was a completely different person. She locked herself away from everyone, and when I finally saw her again, she was miserable. There was a certain beauty that came alive within her, though, that hadn’t been there before, and there was a love I hadn’t seen before. While I didn’t understand it, I certainly didn’t wish for her to be any different.

When she was put in charge of being my glorified babysitter, I had no intention of developing feelings for her. She was always someone I considered a friend because she made herself more than available during the rollercoaster I called my life. Once she started working for me, I saw a different side of her, a side I hadn’t seen before. It was the side that genuinely cared about everything and everyone to an unimaginable extent. She was just like a parent, constantly worried about her children. Even though none of us were her children, and we were all older than her, she still treated us like we were kids who needed to be protected. She was fierce when it came to protecting us. While she was afraid to care, she loved us all so freely and without limits. We had someone to confide in, someone to go to when the world was too heavy for us to carry on our shoulders alone. She would always take on the weight of our problems with us, never once complaining about it not being her job. She was the epitome of grace, purity, and love. To me, she was the embodiment of all things good and pure in the world, but she was also a brat who didn’t know when to stop worrying.

_I could get on just fine without you._

How could I have been so stupid? I had never been so out of line in my life. I never said anything I regretted more than that simple statement, and it was a lie if I ever told one. I couldn’t have been less accurate even if I tried because I couldn’t picture my life without her. Sunday’s alone were difficult days because I didn’t have her smiling face interrupting my tinkering time. I didn’t get to see her before she left the mansion for the evening. She would always stop into the workshop to check in or see what I was working on. There were times when her excitement built up simply because of my excitement. Seeing me happy was what made her happy. It was one of the things that made her so unique and different from the other women I had come across in my life. It was one of the many reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place. How does one apologize after something like that, though? A dozen bouquets of her favorite flowers (daisies)? A thousand poems from her favorite poet (Emily Dickinson)? Tickets to see her favorite musical _on_ Broadway (Chicago)? Hell, I’d pay any of the Broadway actors whatever amount just to get them to put on a special show just for her. I’d do anything to prove to her that I was sorry, but I didn’t know how to make up for the cruel words I spewed out at her, words she didn’t deserve. She lost sleep and worried herself sick because of me, and I had the audacity to degrade and belittle her. God, I was so stupid.

A beeping at the door sounded, and I glanced up to see that she was punching in the code. I refused to make eye contact with her as she pulled the door open and stepped inside, gently closing it behind her. From my peripheral vision, I could see the manila folder she carried with her. She came to stand directly in front of the workbench without much a difference from all the other times. It amazed me that she could still act completely professional in a situation where I could only imagine she wanted to punch me. She laid the folder on the desk, but I still didn’t make eye contact, still nervous that I would slip up again or that I would start groveling and look pitiful. I had to apologize and keep at least some of my dignity. However, if she _wanted_ me to grovel-“I need you to fill out these papers and fax them to the specified recipients by no later than the end of the day on Monday. It’s your evaluation of my work, so it needs to be detailed and thorough. You need to complete it to its entirety. There’s a paper to the right of the fax machine with the steps on how to use it if it starts acting up, which it does a lot” she explained

I furrowed my eyebrows, glancing up at her in pure confusion. Her dark brown eyes were filled with so much pain that was clouded over by the professional and strong facade she put up. Those walls had been torn down a few times, and I hurt her enough for her to feel like she had to build them back up around me. It tore my heart apart, “but you work on Monday’s, so why would I be the one trying to work the fax machine?”

“I’m taking some time off starting right now” she answered with a slight hint of guilt in her softened voice. She wrung her hands in front of her, a nervous tick I had picked up on long ago. She let out a deep breath, collecting her thoughts, “I know I didn’t tell you beforehand, but I didn’t make up my mind until this morning. To be completely honest with you, Tony, I don’t know if it’ll be me or someone else coming back to this mansion. Either way, you won’t be alone for more than a week. I’ve sorted your clothes-pajamas, casual, business, and formal-for the next week. Your medications are up to date, and I have them sorted by both day and time of day. I just…need to spend some time alone” she confessed, tears filling her eyes as she trembled in fear. I didn’t understand that. Whenever she started to get emotional, she would start to tremble, like she was afraid to let the tears fall. She had perfect composure at all times, so her outburst earlier in the morning was new for me.

In an attempt to ease her nerves, I smiled, “I’ve told you countless times before that it would do you some good to take some time off. Dealing with me is stressful enough”

She nodded her head once as a single tear fell, “it is, but…I always picked you, Tony” she confessed, shoving her hands into the pockets of her high-waisted shorts that made her legs seem even more endless than before. If it were any other situation, I would have taken the time to admire them, but I was invested in what she was saying. Her eyes continued to water as she stared at me, “I’ve picked you for so long because I had this stupid…fantasy that you needed me the same way I needed you. I guess you don’t, and that’s okay. I’m glad that you’re stronger than I am because it just means that you _can_ take care of yourself. You don’t let feelings cloud your judgement, but I do. That’s why I’m not fit to serve you anymore. I’ve realized that needing people is a weakness, and you’ve been my weakness since day one. That weakness could get you killed, and I can’t be a part of that because you mean so much to me. I’d rather live a thousand miles away and know that you’re alive than see you every single day and know that I’m putting your life in danger. You deserve someone stronger, someone better” she explained, wiping away the tears from her eyes before letting out a strained breath. She turned on her heel and walked over to the glass door as I sat there in absolute shock. Before she could walk away, she stopped once more and turned to face me, “just to let you know, I _wanted_ to go with you last night. The reason wasn’t just to take care of my dogs-”

I cut her off before she could explain her model boyfriend who would-undoubtedly-be better than me in every way possible. I lowered my eyes, not wanting to even admit it to myself that she had someone in her life. It made me jealous, which was something I hadn’t experienced too much of. I was used to getting what I wanted, and she challenged me. Who was I to think that a girl like her _wouldn’t_ have a boyfriend or a significant other? I cleared my throat, “I figured. Your boyfriend’s a lucky-”

She cut me off with a statement that shook me to my core, “it was to take care of my daughter because she doesn’t have anyone else” she blurted out. I couldn’t even move, but I could hear her breath catch in her throat. She wanted to take it back. Instead, I listened to the door open, “goodbye, Mr. Stark”

* * *

 

***Samantha's POV***

I shook my head, gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn my knuckles white. I still hadn’t come to terms that I actually told him. All the hard work that had gone into keeping Aurora a secret went down the drain because of my stupidity and recklessness. I groaned again, listening to the silence on the other end of the line. Mom always let me take time to process once I finished venting, and she wouldn’t say too much in between the long silences. She could read me like an open book even when I was so far away. She just knew when I needed advice or when I just needed her to listen as I ranted. I ran a hand through my long brown hair, “I don’t know what came over me. _Why_ would I tell him about Aurora? Why am I so stupid?” I asked, wanting to hit myself for the slip up. It was a heated moment, and I didn’t want him to think that I was in a relationship. It was so hard to keep the truth from him in the first place, and that moment of weakness proved why it was so dangerous to be around him.

I knew that my words didn’t go over very well with my mom because she sighed on the other end of the line. Self-deprecation _never_ went very far when she was concerned, “you are _not_ stupid, Samantha Grace. You are an intelligent, beautiful, spectacular human being who made a mistake. You wouldn’t be my daughter if you didn’t make your share of mistakes” she said, never once mentioning the fact that I was the only child she didn’t give birth to, the one she chose instead of the ones she planned or the one she was surprised with-Jackson. She never treated me like the decision she _had_ to make because the other choice would’ve been damning. She always treated me like I was her child, and for all intents and purposes, she was my mother. She lowered her voice to a much softer tone, “why don’t you come home for a little while?” she asked, “I know that dad’s been missing you, Jackson is lost without you, and the twins have been working on some new stuff that they want your approval on”

I shook my head, not wanting to be too far away from Tony, “I can’t” I confessed, thinking of all the different possibilities with me being hours away. While I needed a break from him for a while, I couldn’t leave him completely. I couldn’t just walk away and throw his safety to the wind. Why couldn’t I just let him go? Why couldn’t I move on? He didn’t want me, so why was it so hard to accept that my feelings were all one-sided? It was because he was my weakness, “what if he needs me? What if something happens to him, and I’m not here? I’d be 18 hours away instead of just 30 minutes away”

“He told you that he could handle himself without you, so why not put it to the test?” she asked

I frowned, “he didn’t mean it” I stated, trying to convince both her and myself that Tony didn’t really mean what he said. While he did say it in a moment of anger, I couldn’t keep telling myself that he needed me to survive because he was plenty capable.

She was quiet, thinking about what I said. It was her time to decide whether or not to argue her reasoning for me to travel back out to Kansas or to let it go. She decided on neither option, catching me by surprise, “well, then dad and I are moving our vacation up to today”

I shook my head, not wanting her to have to move her plans around just to come to California to see me. It wasn’t that important, and I wasn’t _that_ distraught, “Mom, I didn’t call you to ask you to come here. I just needed to talk”

Without having to see her, I knew that a warm smile tugged at the sides of her full lips before that warmth reached her icy blue eyes that my brothers all inherited, “I know, but I don’t want to be so far away from you when you need me either, and you need me right now. You’ll understand when Aurora gets older and calls you about things like this. When she calls you, and you can hear the tears in her voice, you’ll know what it’s like to want to be right there, holding her. Dad and I will talk about it, and we’ll find a way to be there in the morning”

* * *

 

***Tony's POV***

Vision wouldn’t say a single word to me after Samantha left, which made me feel like an even bigger asshole than I had before. As I walked through the house, I saw all the little things she had set up so that I wouldn’t be too lost when I was on my own. She had set out recipes for meals to help hangovers, emergency numbers, and instructions for my medications. Seeing the little notes left throughout the house and the little things she did to make life easier for me made me appreciate her that much more, but it was too late to tell her that now. I crucified her because she was going home to take care of her _daughter_. How fucked up was that? I was so self-absorbed that I thought I was the only person she should care about. When everything finally fell into place, I realized how obvious it was. Countless times, I wondered why she had to rush home at the end of the day, or why she didn’t want to have a few drinks with me at the end of the workday. It was because she had a daughter to take care of. She had to take care of me and then go home to take care of a child.

When I finally walked into the bathroom where we almost kissed the night before, I could still feel the warmth of her breath as it cascaded across my chin and neck. She was so alluring and sensual even without kissing me. That woman had me wrapped around her finger, and she trusted me. Then, I broke that trust without second thought by putting her through the bullshit I did earlier in the day. My anxiety medication was sitting on the sink with the directions written out below it. There was also a number on the paper to call if things got too bad. At the very bottom of the note in her beautiful handwriting, there was a personal note that read: “everything’s going to be okay, Tony. Just trust me.” The note itself caused tears to spring to my eyes because I could remember just how many times she said those words to me when I trembled and cried in her arms, when the panic attacks would hit me like a train. I couldn’t control the fear or the tears, and she always sat with me through each and every one of them. She would rub gentle circles onto my back as those slender arms stayed locked around my body, encompassing me as I opened up to her like I never opened up to anyone else before. Every panic attack forced me to tear down the walls I built to keep people from gaining access to my heart, but she had a direct line to it from the very beginning. Believing that things were impossible was a recipe for failure, but there was one thing I knew to be impossible. It was impossible for me not to fall in love with her. From the moment we met, I knew she was the one thing I had been looking for all along, and I chased her away.

A manila folder on my bed caught my eye even though I had walked right by it on my way to the bathroom. I walked over to the edge of the bed and picked it up, wondering whether or not it was my business to open it. If I had known that reading the contents within the folder would result in an outburst of pure anger and rage aimed only toward myself, I wasn’t sure I would’ve opened it. If I had known that I’d bust my entire collection of liquor in an attempt to kill the monster that drove her away in the first place, I wasn’t sure I would have opened the folder. However, I was glad I did. Even though I spent hours picking up the mess I made-the broken glass cutting my hands every so often-I would have opened the folder over and over again. While I had to fill out my evaluation for her, she had already done her evaluation of me, a simple piece of work that had the ability to rip my heart from my chest and breathe life back into me. It was what made me want to fight for her.

 

> _To whom it may concern,_
> 
> _Contrary to popular belief, Anthony Edward Stark is a good man. While he can be a handful at times, he shows unparalleled desire to protect the welfare of the entire human rage. No sane man would ever willingly take on a responsibility like that, but Mr. Stark does so with grace and humility. After witnessing the self-proclaimed genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist in action, I can safely say that this facade is only used to fool the public into believing that he really is as conceited as the think he is. In reality, Mr. Stark is full of self-deprecating jokes to cover up a trauma that he refuses to speak about for his own personal reasons. While his alcoholism proves to be the most difficult obstacle to face, I believe that when he is ready to change, he will have no problem doing so. With a resilience and drive like his, there’s little to nothing that could stop him. Regardless of my personal and unprofessional feelings toward Mr. Stark, I am putting in the request to continue working with him for the time being. He has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and continues to do it time and time again for the welfare of mankind. There has never been and never will be another man like him, a man as kindhearted and selfless as he is. In closing, I would like to reiterate my opening statement: Tony Stark is a good man._


End file.
